19:10:2025 Mid October
I’ve once again had A Week and how to summarise what’s been going on will perhaps be impossible, not least because I barely understand myself and it’s all so personal that I’m not, surprisingly, going to pour my entire heart out onto the internet. I think I’m going to try and think about everything more broadly and I’m going to do it slightly later this evening so that I can go to asda and go on a walk before the shops close and it gets too dark. I’ll be back.
I accidentally forgot about this for 2 days. Oh well. The most unexpected development has been my creativity coming back in full force, especially in regards to writing. I’ve been writing poetry and planning and starting to write plays again, a resurgence of both year 13 and first year, and I’ve been enjoying my mp3 player and my pop music almost as much as I did in year 12. I’ve felt lately a great sense of alienation from myself and loss of identity, so it’s been a real relief to have old hobbies coming back to me, especially ones that feel really central to who I am as a person.
I may have been falling apart but I’ve had a good album to do it to. Hours Were The Birds has been on repeat this week, and there was a while where I couldn’t listen to Indiana without sobbing my eyes out, which, to be fair, hasn’t taken much prompting. But I’ve booked my trains to go home finally, and as of the end of the week specifically, everything is resolving itself and returning to normal. I’m starting volunteering in my uni’s archives, my society volunteering has finally calmed down, my friends and I are working things out, and I’m starting to feel like there’s a person inside me again. It’s just been messy, but I guess autumn always is. I’ve been able to find the cosy as well - I’ve spent a lot of time lately alone in my uni’s 24hr study space and it’s pretty much my favourite place at the moment, always warm and buzzing but everyone leaves you in peace. I think it’s all working out alright.